Legacy

Greetings Comrades, I’m Gregor Romansky, M.D.  I wish to tell you about some interesting things. First let me say that I’m a Surgeon and amateur arborist. And a member in good standing of the Russian Communist Party.

I’d wondered for a long time as to whether or not vegetation like a tree for example had a brain.  Could it feel pain?  I pondered many things. I’d for as number of years by using attached minute electrodes monitored the brain waves of various animals.  I found they did indeed emit electrical type energy.

One day, I said to myself, I will see if trees emit electrical energy that might indicate some form of brain or ability to feel pain.  So I wired up a few varieties; and indeed they all gave of some sort recordable energy waves. I charted them on a machine normally used to chart EKG’s.  I found it most interesting to note that when I broke a small branch, the needle jumped. They must feel pain.

Of course I found that all so exciting, I couldn’t wait to do a paper and tell my peers and colleagues.  They laughed at me and called me Mad. They said so what, who cares?

I told one of them, a Doctor named Joseph Malinkov that I didn’t make fun of him or call him Mad when he grafted the head of one dog to another thus creating a two headed dog.  I was amazed that both heads lived very well for seven weeks.  He wasn’t able to make the comparison.

So, mad am I;   I’ll show them a thing or two.  I decided I’d do something so spectacular the whole world would take notice. The question was, what could that be. I thought and I thought, but drew a blank.

Then one morning I picked up the newspaper and read where  a six year old girl in America had accidentally while eating sunflower seed, inhaled one of them.  Apparently only caused a minute or two of mild discomfort.  End of problem as far as the little girl thought.  But then, a never before thing happened; the seed sprouted and started to grow in her lung.  Of course an operation took care of that.  But still very, very interesting.

I thought about that a lot, and concluded that there was some indication that animal and plant life might be compatible. Well I entertained that thought a lot.  A few days later as I was strolling in my beloved nearby woods, I spotted a tree spouting; it was only ten inches high.  Interestingly enough it was an unknown first time seen by man, species.  I had my small hand spade with me so I dug it up and took it home and potted it.

Two days later there was a scratching and whining at my door.  I opened it and there sat a stray and very hungry dog.  I thought poor thing, I took him in a fed him and cleaned him up.  He was grateful and apparently had no desire to leave.  So I kept him.  He was a medium size short hair mixed breed, and I named him Igor.  All of us mad scientists need an Igor around, and since I’d been so labeled why not live the part.

That night I had a very weird dream about combining a tree with a dog.  I woke up in a cold sweat, wasn’t sure whether the dream frightened me or fascinated me.  I had my breakfast and morning coffee and tried to forget about that dream, but I couldn’t

it kept haunting me.  I remembered the story about the sunflower seed that sprouted in the little girl’s lung.

I then took inventory on my fingers, I  thought now lets see, I’m a surgeon, I have a new species tree still very small, and I have a dog.  Ergo I hatched an experiment in my mind.

The next day I gave Igor and anesthetic and planted the tree fairly shallow between his shoulder blades.  Igor woke up and seemed no worse for the wear, the tree was erect and healthy looking.  Very good I thought.  I shall observe things for a while before telling my colleagues

.

After a few days both Igor and the tree were healthy and happy.  I decided to check the brain waves of Igor and the energy waves of the tree.  I was shocked at what I learned.  Apparently a symbiosis had occurred; the dog and tree were now amalgamated into a single entity.

Another thing I noticed was that Igor would no longer wet on a tree, but he had no objections to watering my flower bed.  That didn’t do the flower bed any good. But I suppose that’s one of the prices of progress.

One more simple test. I snipped an ever so tiny branch from the tree and Igor yelped.  That proved it, they were a single being now.  There was so much to say that I spent days writing my paper on this experiment and could hardly wait another three months for the Science Convention to display Igor.  Those two now united presented a fine specimen, the tree had now gotten almost three feet tall.  Fantastic.

What I hadn’t factored in was that the tree having no real brain didn’t know when enough growth was enough.  At about four feet the roots had gotten dangerously invasive and poor Igor died.  I loved Igor and had meant him no harm. I was heart broken and disappointed that I’d lost my claim to fame.

Well I buried poor Igor in my backyard with tree still attached.  Apparently Igor was still beneficial to the tree as the tree rapidly grew to twelve feet.

I did get a little claim to fame when I let the Botanical Society know about the new tree species I had. Everyone was amazed and congratulated me heavily.

They asked me what I was going to name the tree.  I thought for a bit and said “Dogwood”, please notice its unique bark.