Legacy

It’s that time of the year when a lot of talk turns to turkeys, turkey talk one might say. It’s in that spirit that I’ve compiled a short group of turkey stories or quips. I know some of them are lame, but if you don’t enjoy them, you have two choices, give up your turkey for Thanksgiving, (turkey’s first choice) or repurpose this paper after Thanksgiving dinner.

How do turkeys dance? They do the Turkey Trot.

Two turkeys got into a fight after calling each other a name.  Apparently, oh yeah! You’re just another turkey is not viewed as a compliment.  Boo Hiss!. Hmmm! Tough audience.

Now there’s an interesting store, the sign says Thanksgiving Ham Market, Tom Turkey, Proprietor.

Ben Franklin suggested the National Bird should be a Turkey.  Talk about Turkey Lobbying power.

That’s all the nonsense I can think of for now, so I’ll tell you a turkey tale or two.

There was a group of 4H kids who specialized in raising prize turkeys.  They each had three or four turkeys, except for a fellow named Jim Bob who had twenty.  Jim Bob was more interested in quantity than quality.  Jim Bob figured there were more chances for making money by raising turkeys just for food than for no more than a maybe in prize money.  In fact Jim Bob couldn’t hatch and raise turkeys fast enough to satisfy his lust for market turkey money.

So Jim Bob stole a couple of turkeys from the pens of several other kids leaving them with only one.  Jim Bob didn’t want to be totally heartless, just close.  Now the other kids knew he had done it, but couldn’t prove it nor identify their turkeys because they all looked alike and weren’t banded.  This really made the other kids angry that Jim Bob would profit from his stealing.

So they had a meeting and in the group was a couple of science nerds (still nice kids however, pardon the labeling).  Anyway, they got their heads to gather and formulated a delivery system using turkey feed as a vehicle. It was not anything harmful to turkeys, but.

About mid November when Jim Bob got up he found a hand printed note on his turkey pen. It read “Dear Jim Bob from all your friends, we wish you much success in turkey sales.  However we think you should know that some unknown party fed your turkeys last night with very special feed.  It was laced with a Micro Biotic parasite which rapidly invades the turkey’s tissue.  It doe’s no harm to the turkey and will die out in about six weeks, just after both Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

“If any of the turkey’s meat is ingested by a human the hybrid parasites will invade that persons colon. No, cooking will not kill it as it can survive up to 500 degrees. Good news is no permanent harm to humans and in humans the parasite only lives about eight days.  Bad news is during those eight days, humans who have ingested meat from these turkeys will have the trots 24/7, and we don’t mean the turkey trots, if you get the drift.”

“So here’s wishing you much success in turkey sales, we hope you will make enough to start paying on all the lawsuits that will ensue from your hapless customers. Have a Happy Thanksgiving; we suggest you eat a turkey from someone else’s pen if you can find any left to steal.  Signed; your friends.

Here is the next turkey tale, some similarities and some differences.  Locale different, other 4H kids a bit different, but another Jim Bob.  What’s with these Jim Bob’s anyway.  Oh well here goes.

Jim Bob and other 4H kids raised various things, sheep , pigs, chickens, vegetables and so on all vying for prizes.  Jim Bob was a raiser of fine prize worth turkeys.  Jim Bob was also a little slow in the thinking department and a more than a little mean to the other kids. In fact he was a full blown bully.  He was big and he was tough.

The other kids were good and tired of mistreatment from Jim Bob.  They got together to decide what to do about it.  They though maybe we could gang upon him and give him a dose of his own medicine.  That idea didn’t last long because they figured he was so big and tough he’d whip all of them and more for their having tried.

What they really resented was the fact that after he pushed one of them around or knocked him to the ground and belittled them, he’d then laugh about it real loud and long. That added great insult to injury.  It was the laughing part of the discussion that fathered an idea.  They though maybe they could turn the tables discreetly and have a big laugh on Jim Bob.

Again there were a couple of science nerds in the group, and one of them was also good at voice imitations.  Important to remember that.  They hatched this idea.  They would go to the local Radio Shack and get a battery operated speaker and a remote microphone with an eighty foot range.  That they did.

The next morning before sunrise they all snuck over to Jim Bob’s turkey pen and tossed the speaker under the turkey house.  Then they waited for sunrise when Jim Bob would come out to feed and admire his prize turkeys.  Jim Bob was right on schedule.

As he approached the pen, the kid who did good voice imitations, said “Good Morning Jim Bob, I want to make a deal with you.”  Jim Bob was thrilled, he owned a talking turkey.  The voice then said I’m Tom the magic turkey and if you let me and my people go, I will grant you two wishes.”

Jim Bob then said,  “Duh! I thought it was always three wishes, and what do you mean by your people?”  The voice replied “my people are the turkeys in this pen, and I’m a limited power turkey, I can only grant two wishes.”   Jim Bob said, “well, I guess that two are better than none”  Lets see, now I won’t let you go until after you grant me the two wishes.”  The voice replied, sorry Jim Bob, but it don’t work that way exactly.  you have to let us go first, then as we leave the wishes will start to become true.”

By the way Jim Bob, like I said I’m a Magic Turkey, but I have limited power. I cannot grant you money or gold, or cars, or houses. But I can grant you two important things.  I can grant you happiness and wisdom.”  Now Jim Bob had always wanted to be as smart as the other kids, smarter would be even better.  So Jim Bob agreed and opened the pen door.  All the turkeys fled very fast in all directions.  Jim Bob was feeling happier already anticipating wisdom.

Then the voice said “Thank you Jim Bob for freeing the turkeys.”  Jim Bob said duh! Who said that, there are no turkeys left in the pen.  The voice then said, see Jim Bob, you are getting smarter already.