Legacy

Michael Finnegan had been saving a long time out of his meager farm crop earnings to buy a used but good running, automobile.  His wife Kathryn approved and admired the diligence with which he saved.

Then one fine day a big truck pulled up in front of the house while Michael was working in the fields.  It was hard work and required an occasional nip to replenish Michael’s energy.  its a good thing Michael had a few bracers, because when he got home Kathryn was waiting for him with a broom stick and fire in her fine Irish eye.

It seems the truck off  loaded a Swamp Boat, similar to those used in the Florida Everglades to move in and around the swamp going easily over swamp grass in only a few inches of water.

Kathryn started right in whacking Michael with her broomstick while hollering what is this stupid monstrosity sitting in our yard and how in the name  of Saint Patrick and all the Leprechauns in Ireland did you pay for this hunk of junk.

Michael said, slow down Kathryn and I’ll tell ye all about this wonderful thing, first let me take a nip to loosen me tongue. One big gulp and Michael started to explain that while he wanted a automobile, he’d also always wanted a motor boat to run around in a local large lake and catch many fish to eat and sell.

Well said Kathryn, I wanted an automobile and that thing looks like a raft with a big fan in the back and one seat in the front; it isn’t even a motor boat, it’s a thing.  Now said Michael who took another nip and said it looks that way because it’s a Swamp Boat.  What! Yelled Kathryn, there are no swamps in Ireland.  Michael said he knew that, but it was such a bargain, military surplus you know.  Cost the government twenty thousand dollars, and it’s like new and it only cost me five hundred dollars, delivered.  Michael began to swell up with pride because he’d got such a bargain, and he celebrated that feeling immediately with a wee nip.

Kathryn laid into Michael again yelling there is no such thing as a bargain if it’s useless to anyone.  Michael suddenly suffered a deflated ego, requiring two big nips.  He said I understand dear, I’ll put it up for sale.

Kathryn said oh really; do you think there’s another idiot  as big as you in all of Ireland.  Maybe Michael me boy’o you can catch a Leprechaun and let him keep his pot of gold if he will magically change that thing into an automobile.  With that Kathryn went back into the house and slammed the door behind her.

Poor Michael, he meant well, got foolishly enthused and messed up big time.  He wondered if Kathryn would even let him back in the house.  If she did, his supper would probably be cold by the time she called him for it.  Michael sat down to think, of course it took a few nips to get his brain started, but then he had an idea.  He said to himself, there’s that old four wheel trailer in the barn I never use.  Maybe I could take the axles off of it and rig the boat to work like an automobile on land while working like a boat on water.

Now Michael was always good with his hands, and he was very successful in adapting the swamp boat to also be runable on land.  It was a bit different as it was partially steerable by the movable tail fin behind the big fan.  Yet Michael also combined that with normal steering rigging a old bicycle chain to the steering column.  He rigged some brakes and put on running lights front and rear.  Then he made a two passenger bench to sit behind the pilot/drivers seat.

That took the rest of the day and really made Michael tired from the hard work.  However a couple of nips perked him right up.  He then went in the house and announced to Kathryn with great pride what he’d accomplished.  She came out took one look and fainted dead away.  Michael had to use the rest of his nip bottle to bring her around.  But she came around and began to reconcile herself to the situation.

The next day Michael coaxed her into joining him on a test run into town.  She agreed to that, thinking that if enough people saw them she have plenty of witnesses for his sanity hearing, to have him put away.

Well the darn thing seemed to function flawlessly, Michael was happy about that, but Kathryn was still mortified.  Especially mortified when she heard the police siren behind them and Michael had to pull over.  Officer Patrick O’Hoolihan  said whatever it was it wasn’t allowed on the road.

Why not, asked Michael, what is it lacking?  Well now that stumped Patrick for a moment as it had head lights tail lights, brakes, and even seat belts.  Then Patrick said Aha! Where’s your license tag?  Michael said right there on the side.  Patrick said that’s no good, that’s a boat license.  Michael said; what did you expect? This is a boat.

Now poor Patrick was an upstanding officer of the law just trying to do his duty, but that set him back a bit.  Michael sensing Patrick’s distress offered Patrick a nip, which Patrick gratefully accepted.  Now that was not a bribe, just one Irishman being nice to another Irishman.

Patrick said he wasn’t sure which end was up and asked for and received another nip.  Then Patrick said you best follow me into town, maybe the Chief can help sort this out.

Will do said Michael, we were headed that way anyhow.  Meanwhile Kathryn was wanted to die; she was so mortified she tried to crawl under the seat, but poor thing she wouldn’t fit.

Well Michael and his unusual conveyance got to town and by the time he had reached the Police Station, he’d caused quite a stir and a big crowd was following to see what it was all about.

Now in that crowd there was a couple of fellows who were also of a different branch of Irish law enforcement, namely they ran river patrols trying to stop smugglers.  They stared at Michael’s creation with great awe.  They stepped forward and said something like this would be ideal for us to use on our river patrols all over Ireland.  They said frequently before they can catch up to the smugglers boats, the smugglers would beach the boat and run.  Get to much of a lead to catch up to.

This thing would allow them to come right out of the water and continue the pursuit, easily catching up with the smugglers. One thing quickly led to another and Michael patented his contraption and the manufacturing right along with it.  Of course Michael sold those rights to a leading industrialist.

Michael became quite wealthy and his invention was heralded as the biggest aid to stopping smugglers in fifty years.

By some miracle, Michael the big Irish idiot became the smartest fellow there ever was, according to Kathryn who puffed up every chance she got about her fabulous husband.  The one who also bought her a very fine automobile to ride around and look snooty in.

That of course didn’t bother Michael one bit, as he was now a gentlemen of leisure whose home bar sported the finest selection money could buy of the best of nipping elixir. Kathryn; however preferred tea, with a wee dash of elixir added on rare occasion.