Legacy

Shamus Mahoney and Patrick O’Leary were sitting in a small farming community tavern about sixty miles south of Dublin.  It was a fine evening and Shamus and Patrick were having a lively discussion about Leprechauns, between nips that is.  Shamus said to Patrick, Patrick just what do you think describes the character of a Leprechaun.  Patrick replied, well Shamus I think a Leprechauns character is not so nice.  They are mischievous and responsible for a lot of unexplained calamities.  They are also greedy and have a pot of gold.

I’d agree with that analogy said Shamus, and I might add they are very, very smart.  That’s why they have a pot of gold.  I think that in addition to being smart, they are a bit dishonest also.  You are probably right said Patrick.  They both had a few more wee nips and then Patrick said I wonder how one would know one if one saw one..  Shamus said, that’s easy, he would be dressed in a little Green suit, have pointy toed shoes, a fine top hat, and be very, very small.  Patrick agreed, then said, how would one go about catching a Leprechaun?

Shamus said he wasn’t sure as they were supposedly very, very fast.  But he’d heard that Leprechauns liked good Irish whiskey even more than an Irishman.  Patrick said how’s that possible, and took another nip.  Shamus said he didn’t know, but that’s what he’d always heard.  Patrick said, you know Shamus, maybe you could bait a trap with a bottle of the finest, and catch a Leprechaun.

Shamus said he might just try that, but what should he do with the little fellow after he caught him, if he caught one that is.  Patrick said well now my sainted Uncle Timothy said that don’t ask for the pot of gold as a price for letting him go.  Somehow that always backfired and one was left holding the bag.  However, if a Leprechaun gave his word on anything else, it was a promise that was always honored due to the Leprechaun code of fairness, so to speak.  So make the Leprechaun promise   something as a release price.  Sounded like a plan to Shamus.

Well after a fine evening of nipping and making fun conversation, Shamus and Patrick went home to sleep it off as it were.  Next morning Shamus thought just for fun and a very long shot he’d set a Leprechaun trap.  Shamus got an old wooden crate out of his barn and suspended it with a rope from a high tree limb near his mailbox out by the road.  Then Shamus sat a fine bottle of Irish Whiskey in plain sight centered under the crate.  Then Shamus took a fine hard to see string and tied it to the whiskey bottle and connected the other end up through a hole in the crate top to a release trigger.  Anyone picking up the bottle would trigger the crate to drop.

Shamus went to bed and dreamed of waking up and finding a Leprechaun in his trap.  That evening before it was completely dark one Shaun O’Hoolihan, came strolling down the road on foot as walking was his only transportation.

Shaun was thirty five years old and freshly out of work as the carnival he worked for went out of business.  Shaun was part of the side show.  The kind where you have a fire eaters, fat ladies, bearded ladies, strong men, and Shaun, an alleged Leprechaun.   Now Shaun was actually a small midget, smaller than most as he was only three and a half feet high.  But dressed according to legends, he gave the customers a bit of fun. Midgets were not unheard of in Ireland, but most had not heard let alone seen.

Sure and begorra if Shaun didn’t spy that bottle of whiskey; and being freshly out of work he was needing some nips to drown his sorrows.  Well poor Shaun sprung the trap.

The next morning as Shamus looked off from his front porch he spied the trap had been sprung.  He danced around and around gleefully singing” I got me a Leprechaun. I got me a Leprechaun.”  After dancing a jig or two, Shamus headed right out to the trap, taking a small rope with him.

Shamus got to the crate and he could hear a high pitched voice hollering let me out of here.  So Shamus said maybe I will and maybe I won’t.  I’ll tip the crate back just a wee bit and you stick your leg out and then I will decide.  Shamus tipped it a wee bit and Shaun stuck his leg out.  The first thing Shamus saw was the little foot with the pointy toed shoe.  Shamus just knew right then and there  he had himself a real live Leprechaun.

Now to make sure the wee little fellow didn’t get away, Shamus tied the little rope around Shaun’s ankle then tipped the crate clear back out of the way.  There sat Shaun in his Leprechaun costume, and sporting a fine head of red hair and a fine red beard as well.  That finished convincing Shamus that he had caught one fine Leprechaun.  Shamus said, what will you give me to let you go?  Shaun still had his last pay in his pocket, and he’d been paid in gold.  So Shaun said, I’ll give you one gold coin if you let me go.  That coin will pay for the bottle of whiskey I drank while in the crate and leave you enough change to buy five more bottles.

At this point Shamus hadn’t gotten greedy so he accepted the deal.  Nice little profit he thought.  So he untied the rope from Shaun’s ankle.  But Shaun didn’t run away like Shamus had expected him to; rather he said, I’ve got a business proposition for you.  Oh! Said Shamus, and what might that be.  Shaun said will you know wee little folk like fine Irish whiskey as well as anyone, but normally the only way we can get it is to steal it.  Why not just buy it said Shamus?  Shaun said now what do ye think would happen if I went into a bar?  Shamus got the point immediately.

Shaun said, now’s here’s the deal I’ll make you, and you know my word is good.  You go get a truck load of at least one thousand bottles of fine Irish whiskey.  Leave the truck in front of your house and in the morning you will find the truck empty, except for a full pot of gold that will be left on the passenger side seat.

Now Shamus figured he’d really hit the jackpot big time, so he agreed.  Shamus didn’t have a truck, but Patrick did, so Shamus borrowed Patrick’s truck.  Shamus took the thousand bottle load and sat it in front of his house.  The next morning the whiskey was gone and a full pot of gold was in the front seat of the truck.  Poor Shamus almost had a heart attack, he had to have a dozen quick nips to keep from dying on the spot.  It was a full pot as promised, but it was a very small pot. Only enough gold to pay for a hundred bottles, which meant Shamus was out the price of nine hundred bottles.  Poor  Shamus.

He took the truck back to Patrick and explained what had happened.  He said to Patrick, tis true, those Leprechauns are not only greedy, they are smart just like we discussed.  Patrick figured Shamus was giving him a cock and bull story because he didn’t want to admit he’d probably lost it gambling.  Shamus couldn’t convince Patrick it was true.

However a few months later when Shamus and Patrick were going down the road in Patrick’s truck on the way to Dublin they came to a relatively new roadside tavern called Big and Little Tavern, and they decided to go in and check it out, especially since it was getting close to happy hour and some nipping was in order.

As they stepped in Shamus shouted, it’s him, that’s the Leprechaun.  It seemed like Shaun and the big sideshow strongman had gone into business together. Pooling their resources, gold that is, in order to pay for the initial large stock of fine Irish whiskey.  Whiskey acquired by flim and flam for bargain basement give away prices.

Shamus knew he’d been had, and Patrick couldn’t stop laughing.  Shaun took one look and being a sport, said here’s a bottle for each of you on the house.  Shamus said thank you, as under the circumstance he needed a whole bottle.

Moral of the story is “Never sell wee folk short”